Clinical psychologists assure us that sexual performance anxiety is far more widespread than one might imagine. Surprisingly, it is above all the young couples who are afflicted by this problem; and often, after having tried them all, relying without results on traditional remedies, such as aphrodisiac foods, or on pharmacological remedies, such as the weekend pill Cialis, finally decide to book an appointment with a psychologist, not without an understandable embarrassment.
Typically, the initial situation consists in repeated failures in bed, which has the effect of casting a somber shadow over the couple’s relationship. It is above all the self-esteem of man that is suffering, who feels deprived of his virility, and finds himself increasingly mulling over the concern of having become “impotent”, and therefore not being able to have an adequate sexual relationship.
Of course, these worries would be enough to make anyone depressed and discouraged from having sex. And indeed, the mechanism that triggers the trap consists precisely in the negative expectations that accompany sexual intercourse, that is, in the fear of an imminent failure.
Erectile failure can happen to anyone; however, it is fear that it will happen again in the future that fuels the problem.
The negative expectation of a failure generates what is commonly called performance anxiety, or a condition of extreme discomfort triggered by the mere prospect of having a sexual relationship. These unpleasant feelings of anxiety, which act like a psychic handbrake, end up blocking the individual, inhibiting an erection. This is where the negative expectation of a failure has come true.
But how can we overcome performance anxiety? As mentioned, the weekend pill is not always a solution. And to say to reassure those suffering from performance anxiety, although it is pure common sense, is not enough.
The person knows very well that he should relax. It is just that he can’t do it. The vicious circle, as well as the feeling of being powerless, is much stronger. Therefore it is precisely this fear that triggers and feeds anxiety, thus realizing the most ominous prophecies.
To get out of the impasse, sexologists usually ask patients to follow a paradoxical prescription: “From now until the next appointment, you will have to follow the ban on penetration. You can kiss, caress, provoke and tease each other, but no penetration.” As you can guess, the reaction of patients to these words is typically incredulous. In reality, however, there is a logic to this madness.
As they will discover in the following sessions abandoning the idea of the performance to have to perform at any cost has the power to lighten us and make us come into contact with our emotions, without being trapped in our nefarious expectations.
Moreover, in this way, sexual intercourse, precisely because it is denied by the paradoxical prescription, from “problem” becomes something “desirable”, exactly like all forbidden fruits. A device that has worked since the days of Adam and Eve!
